Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
