Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
