Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
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Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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