I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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