i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
