beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.