you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.