I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.