Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.

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  (302): She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god. http://tfl.nu/566r
  Replies (25) Good night (5059) Bad night (564)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!

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  (405): You can't have hate sex in a hallway!! http://tfl.nu/3bhn
  Replies (22) Good night (4021) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.

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  (908): The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels. http://tfl.nu/nz1k
  Replies (5) Good night (4689) Bad night (744)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.

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  (978): i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night. http://tfl.nu/0hsp
  Replies (15) Good night (4317) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?

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  (602): I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans? http://tfl.nu/zjae
  Replies (44) Good night (4778) Bad night (1412)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...

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  (903): He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered... http://tfl.nu/skgw
  Replies (7) Good night (1268) Bad night (4754)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread

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  (910): I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread http://tfl.nu/evst
  Replies (21) Good night (3647) Bad night (1792)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you're the only one i would trust to do that

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  (315): i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV (802): you're the only one i would trust to do that http://tfl.nu/yrsp
  Replies (8) Good night (2618) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.

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  (707): At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon. http://tfl.nu/h8sp
  Replies (3) Good night (1230) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key

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  (707): I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key http://tfl.nu/dsgw
  Replies (15) Good night (2032) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point

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  (561): I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point http://tfl.nu/m5fj
  Replies (3) Good night (1215) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.

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  (425): It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night. http://tfl.nu/z2ri
  Replies (3) Good night (1080) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.

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  (830): I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic. http://tfl.nu/ur90
  Replies (2) Good night (413) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.

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  (304): I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay? (1-304): Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime. http://tfl.nu/2vyh
  Replies (6) Good night (1558) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.

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  (860): I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today. http://tfl.nu/vp47
  Replies (7) Good night (320) Bad night (819)

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