Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
