Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".