This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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