Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
