What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
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The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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