i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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