In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
