____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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