After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
