DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
