I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
