i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
