So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
