I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
