Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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