everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
