Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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