i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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