you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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