It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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