this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
