Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
