I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm just crazy horny about you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
