Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
