If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
