Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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