end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
