sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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