my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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