He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
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I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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