Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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