he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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