I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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