There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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