Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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