Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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