last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
