went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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