I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
