Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
