You smell like stripper and shame
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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