and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize