it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
