i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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