This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
