I need help removing her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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