"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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