i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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