He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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