i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Terrible idea I love it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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