Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
