what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
