chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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