remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
