How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
