shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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