matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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