Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
