i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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