I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
