if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
