Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
