I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
