We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
