Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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